April 1, 2011

Loglines

Epic Follower/Blogfest Contest

My Twitter Pitch:




When Gracie Heart finds threatening notes in her circus costume, she doesn’t realize she’s the one trying to warn herself: she’s next.

23 comments:

  1. Intriguing! I think, if you can, it might be good to put a little more information about the character in your pitch. I don't know anything about her other than that she works at the circus. I really want to know how old she is.

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  2. Oh, wow. This is honestly the best pitch I've come across so far. For 140 characters, I think you've nailed it. Fantastic and compelling ^_^ best of luck to you!

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  3. Ooooooooooooh, that's good. Creepy and you pack in a lot of info without making it too obvious. The inclusion of the circus outfit lets us know a lot w/out having to read a lot. Nice job!
    I'm in the contest too!

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  4. Love everything except 'she doesn’t realize she's the one trying to warn herself' if only b/c it made me go '...wait. What?' But I'm still intrigued and I'd want to read more about it.

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  5. I don't know if her last name is really conductive to the pitch. I've been seeing several with just first name and they sound okay. Otherwise, I love a good circus story.

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  6. I LOVE the way you've been able to add a twist IN the pitch! :D That was awesome! I'd only take out her last name so I could remove the colon and use the word "that". Smoother, no?

    WOW. Love it. :)

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  7. Love the concept and the twist, but the delivery in the second clause felt awkward to me. Perhaps try something like:

    "What Gracie doesn't know when she finds threatening notes in her circus costume, is that she’s trying to warn herself and she’s next."

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  8. Love it! I think you nailed it. Good luck!

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  9. Fanatastic! I don't have anything to add.

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  10. I love it! I agree with Bethany's suggestions, but it's totally intriguing!

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  11. I like it! The threat of "you're next" is very clear. I'm a little fuzzier on how she can't know she's leaving herself the notes. Maybe hint at them being in her handwriting?

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  12. Very compelling. Multiple personalities, perhaps? Or something sinister that she's blocking. Great pitch.

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  13. It's perfect until I hit the "she's next" - she's next for what? Promotion? Murder? Aha - maybe that's you're strategy - intrigue us and leave us hanging!

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  14. "...she doesn’t realize she’s the one trying to warn herself: she's next."

    I don't get how she's warning herself. I'm a bit confused. I get the part that she's next (whatever that may be-to be killed, hurt) but I guess some clarity on the above would help me.

    Good luck.

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  15. Personally, I think it's perfect! Good job! I'm hooked! Good luck in the contest!! :)

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  16. The first half is exceptionally perfect, but the second could use work. I think saying she's the one leaving the notes is too much. Maybe you could say: "The notes affirm what deep down she's always known: she's next." That's not perfect, but you get the idea.

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  17. suspense, pending doom, and the circus...i can almost smell the elephant poop...when can i start reading?
    douglas esper

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  18. If you're implying that she has multiple personalities, and one of them is warning her...fabulous! I liked it. It piques my interest, a lot!

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  19. Thanks for participating! I love this. It has me asking all sorts of questions and I really want answers! I wouldn't change a thing.

    Good luck!

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  20. Oh, this is great. Gracie Hart! I'll admit I thought of Miss Congeniality ;o)

    I would lose the colon, but other than that, it's really great. Nice job!

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  21. I loved this! Great suspense and a nice creepy hook. I'd totally read pages!

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