tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post4854852740514369334..comments2023-04-27T07:44:53.136-04:00Comments on Groundwire: LoglinesKimberlee Turleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04695299361596799423noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-78907320099737275282011-04-02T17:56:11.075-04:002011-04-02T17:56:11.075-04:00I loved this! Great suspense and a nice creepy hoo...I loved this! Great suspense and a nice creepy hook. I'd totally read pages!Touch of Inkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13551995840395409781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-82089961956368160122011-04-02T01:16:44.415-04:002011-04-02T01:16:44.415-04:00Really nice job.Really nice job.LK Griffiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05520319424741799928noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-66200698545520442882011-04-02T01:02:52.810-04:002011-04-02T01:02:52.810-04:00Oh, this is great. Gracie Hart! I'll admit I t...Oh, this is great. Gracie Hart! I'll admit I thought of Miss Congeniality ;o)<br /><br />I would lose the colon, but other than that, it's really great. Nice job!erica m. chapmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14773306703153110737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-66683699500616487692011-04-02T00:24:27.024-04:002011-04-02T00:24:27.024-04:00Thanks for participating! I love this. It has me a...Thanks for participating! I love this. It has me asking all sorts of questions and I really want answers! I wouldn't change a thing. <br /><br />Good luck!Shelley Wattershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01441028066774362849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-55942534975303258282011-04-01T22:01:06.712-04:002011-04-01T22:01:06.712-04:00If you're implying that she has multiple perso...If you're implying that she has multiple personalities, and one of them is warning her...fabulous! I liked it. It piques my interest, a lot!Eliza Tiltonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00765731038856226730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-30595736507816444562011-04-01T20:28:02.883-04:002011-04-01T20:28:02.883-04:00suspense, pending doom, and the circus...i can alm...suspense, pending doom, and the circus...i can almost smell the elephant poop...when can i start reading?<br />douglas esperdouglas esperhttp://www.douglasesper.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-62248432913598978142011-04-01T20:10:08.691-04:002011-04-01T20:10:08.691-04:00The first half is exceptionally perfect, but the s...The first half is exceptionally perfect, but the second could use work. I think saying she's the one leaving the notes is too much. Maybe you could say: "The notes affirm what deep down she's always known: she's next." That's not perfect, but you get the idea.Teralyn Rose Pilgrimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04586129403789427592noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-27151036873913451172011-04-01T19:06:38.965-04:002011-04-01T19:06:38.965-04:00Really love this. Good luck!Really love this. Good luck!Ruth Donnellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12305109099610123918noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-40823369320065712922011-04-01T18:36:00.042-04:002011-04-01T18:36:00.042-04:00Personally, I think it's perfect! Good job! I&...Personally, I think it's perfect! Good job! I'm hooked! Good luck in the contest!! :)Jamie Corriganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11837319723353425561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-69422996652843641862011-04-01T17:54:15.151-04:002011-04-01T17:54:15.151-04:00"...she doesn’t realize she’s the one trying ..."...she doesn’t realize she’s the one trying to warn herself: she's next."<br /><br />I don't get how she's warning herself. I'm a bit confused. I get the part that she's next (whatever that may be-to be killed, hurt) but I guess some clarity on the above would help me.<br /><br />Good luck.S.A. Husseyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16454457235580594733noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-78417034997197890952011-04-01T16:29:01.372-04:002011-04-01T16:29:01.372-04:00It's perfect until I hit the "she's n...It's perfect until I hit the "she's next" - she's next for what? Promotion? Murder? Aha - maybe that's you're strategy - intrigue us and leave us hanging!Margo Berendsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03476308235642890474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-82121063497866756202011-04-01T15:07:58.207-04:002011-04-01T15:07:58.207-04:00Very compelling. Multiple personalities, perhaps?...Very compelling. Multiple personalities, perhaps? Or something sinister that she's blocking. Great pitch.CobraMisfithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08076556754472094027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-1248833698758419382011-04-01T13:58:11.600-04:002011-04-01T13:58:11.600-04:00I like it! The threat of "you're next&quo...I like it! The threat of "you're next" is very clear. I'm a little fuzzier on how she can't know she's leaving herself the notes. Maybe hint at them being in her handwriting?Lindsay Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12883871927868985811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-80966675311113297202011-04-01T13:53:12.400-04:002011-04-01T13:53:12.400-04:00I love it! I agree with Bethany's suggestions,...I love it! I agree with Bethany's suggestions, but it's totally intriguing!Artemis Greyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10849091563671031929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-17055902524139431532011-04-01T13:28:13.741-04:002011-04-01T13:28:13.741-04:00Fanatastic! I don't have anything to add.Fanatastic! I don't have anything to add.Kaleenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03104611823742775404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-11560310502298177292011-04-01T12:38:39.485-04:002011-04-01T12:38:39.485-04:00Love it! I think you nailed it. Good luck!Love it! I think you nailed it. Good luck!Tina Mosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09892617933410379929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-61387487631038210812011-04-01T12:35:06.712-04:002011-04-01T12:35:06.712-04:00Love the concept and the twist, but the delivery i...Love the concept and the twist, but the delivery in the second clause felt awkward to me. Perhaps try something like: <br /><br />"What Gracie doesn't know when she finds threatening notes in her circus costume, is that she’s trying to warn herself and she’s next."MarcyKatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08303670174583471227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-37101906784913771022011-04-01T11:18:00.341-04:002011-04-01T11:18:00.341-04:00I LOVE the way you've been able to add a twist...I LOVE the way you've been able to add a twist IN the pitch! :D That was awesome! I'd only take out her last name so I could remove the colon and use the word "that". Smoother, no? <br /><br />WOW. Love it. :)Bethany C Morrowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12680443616002300791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-6604811310486448432011-04-01T10:55:23.791-04:002011-04-01T10:55:23.791-04:00I don't know if her last name is really conduc...I don't know if her last name is really conductive to the pitch. I've been seeing several with just first name and they sound okay. Otherwise, I love a good circus story.Allison Merritthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11815938562546801372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-4513752813616183592011-04-01T10:34:02.913-04:002011-04-01T10:34:02.913-04:00Love everything except 'she doesn’t realize sh...Love everything except 'she doesn’t realize she's the one trying to warn herself' if only b/c it made me go '...wait. What?' But I'm still intrigued and I'd want to read more about it.Lori M. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858438789496971734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-5466013752718545132011-04-01T10:03:30.402-04:002011-04-01T10:03:30.402-04:00Ooooooooooooh, that's good. Creepy and you pa...Ooooooooooooh, that's good. Creepy and you pack in a lot of info without making it too obvious. The inclusion of the circus outfit lets us know a lot w/out having to read a lot. Nice job! <br />I'm in the contest too!Libbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14323538213636795216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-22850207146615196232011-04-01T09:19:40.810-04:002011-04-01T09:19:40.810-04:00Oh, wow. This is honestly the best pitch I've ...Oh, wow. This is honestly the best pitch I've come across so far. For 140 characters, I think you've nailed it. Fantastic and compelling ^_^ best of luck to you!Loralie Hallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07134452749240292803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6396595894553223446.post-19140945048214944672011-04-01T08:43:28.600-04:002011-04-01T08:43:28.600-04:00Intriguing! I think, if you can, it might be good ...Intriguing! I think, if you can, it might be good to put a little more information about the character in your pitch. I don't know anything about her other than that she works at the circus. I really want to know how old she is.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11536170441073269752noreply@blogger.com